


you'd better say your goodbyes

by zauberer_sirin



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Playing with Canon, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-28 07:15:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2723489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zauberer_sirin/pseuds/zauberer_sirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She has to talk to him again. She can't leave things like that.</p><p>(Episode 2x09 secret relationship feels fic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	you'd better say your goodbyes

Okay, but she has to call him.

That can't be the last exchange they have.

No, she doesn't mean " _last_ " of course. She means before their missions are really underway. Except she's jumpy about everything. Everything feels like it could easily be a last.

She has to call him.

Hear his voice again. 

(Say something more meaningful that "see you there, sir")

And she knows things between Coulson and her are not exactly normal right now but she has to talk to him again. Even if it's unprofessional (even if _professional_ is a state they've left very far behind, like she can't even see it in the rear view mirror at all).

She takes a moment away from everybody, and away out of earshot and sets up the coms line.

"Hey," she calls when Coulson answers.

"Is something wrong?" he asks. Understandable, and something _is_ wrong, but still, she thought that the whole new phase thing in their relationship meant she could at least call him whenever she wanted. Out there, in the normal world, that would be a given. Not that she's spent much time there, in the normal world. What does it even look like, that world? What would they even look like, she and Coulson, out there? Not a great combination, probably.

"Does something need to be wrong for me to call?" she asks.

"It's been twenty minutes since we said goodbye, Skye. You should be focusing on the mission."

She doesn't like that. He says it like he doesn't trust her to not focus on him. And she's gained that trust. He's probably just as stressed as she is.

"So you're saying I can't call you?" 

"Encrypted line?" Coulson asks, and she likes that tone a lot better.

"For you? Always," she says in a suggestive voice.

She can't see the smile at the other end of the line but she knows it's there. A bit of the creepy vibe of the whole day slips away in that knowledge, she just has to image the smile.

"How's Puerto Rico?" she asks.

"Bobbi speaks perfect Spanish," Coulson replies. "It's very annoying."

"Handy, though."

"Sure, that's what she'll say."

"What are you doing?"

"Undressing," Coulson replies.

"Well, this went there fast and quick."

"I'm changing into _civilian clothes_. We have to meet up with Bobbi's contact."

"No, yeah, I wasn't..."

She hears him breathe in, not annoyed, just confused. "Are you okay?"

"Of course," she replies, the casualness not quite reaching her voice.

"What was that hug?"

She didn't think he was going to ask about _that_. She was sort of counting on that. 

"Oh yeah. Nothing," she says, then quickly, she adds. "You looked so uncomfortable."

"You looked like you were going to kiss me," Coulson points out.

"Would that have been so awful?" she asks, trying to sound playful. It comes out wishful. They haven't had much time to kiss what with the latest mission. Not that they kissed _much_ before, only a little bit, only after he saw the blueprint for the city at Thompson's and got better and they talked about it all, what had been happening lately, and they talked some more, for hours even, and then they kissed a bit. Okay, they kissed _a lot_. But then there hasn't been many opportunities to repeat it. Or many opportunities to be alone, except that first night, unless you count sitting by Trip's gurney while they waited for him to wake up and yes, Coulson held her hand so tightly then she can almost still feel it now.

So yeah, maybe she should have kissed him today, in spite of everything. Just in case. 

She doesn't want to think about " _just in case_ ".

"We weren't alone," Coulson says, which, fair enough, because they don't have rules about this yet but if they had this would probably be Rule Number One.

"I know," she sighs, disappointed.

"And May..."

"You said you were going to tell May," Skye reminds him. She told him she didn't want to go behind her supervising officer's back, not about something so big, and part of her was also hoping Coulson could talk it over with her, see if she had any advice. He could use some advice. Skye can use some advice by proxy. May looks like she knows stuff.

"I've been looking for the right moment," he says.

"You're scared of her."

"She is your SO," he adds. "What I'm doing can be constructed as taking advantage of you."

"Yeah, look at me, here I am being taken advantage of."

And she wants to point out that didn't really stop him when he kissed her first, it wasn't exactly her the one who started everything.

"We're on the phone," he says. "I can't _look_ at you."

"Smartass," she says, fondly. "I still think you're scared of her."

"Yeah, a bit."

There's a moment of silence.

She doesn't like their silences. There have been less of them lately but still.

"I wish we had had more time to talk about stuff before all this," she says, because truly, this is as close to talking about stuff they've been. It felt like a waste, using valuable time to talk about stuff in the last couple of days when they could be doing some more kissing.

"Me too," he says, a lot gentler now and Skye knows he really means it, feels the same kind of frustration. The same longing. "We'll talk." 

Skye thinks that sounds like a threat, actually, which makes her smile.

It had all been too weird, the way it had all changed in a moment.

They had briefed the team on what they found in Hank Thompson's home.

They were talking everything over. And she does mean everything. They even shared some cathartic laughs over the fact that Coulson had thrown her into a cell and locked her there because Skye felt he needed some reassurance about that. Then Coulson kissed her. He apologized. She kissed him back. She didn't apologize.

His hands.

Skye wants to tell him that right now, while he's on a mission about which Skye has a horrible feeling, that she's remembering his hands, how well the fitted into the shape of her hips. How well they fitted. She had never thought about the possibility before – the possibility of Coulson, the possibility of _them_ – but it had made instant sense, when it happened.

"Why did you hug me?" Coulson asks again.

He can't be pulled off the scent, he's such a bloodhound. She likes that about him, but it's also quite inconvenient.

"I had a bad dream," she explains.

She can't shake the feeling that she should have told him before, when he woke her up. She thought she was being silly but as the day progresses the uneasiness at the bottom of her stomach only grows.

"Ah," Coulson says. "Want to talk about it?"

"You were there, actually. As my father or something, I think," she tells him without thinking.

A beat.

"You saw me in a dream and I was your father?"

"Yep."

He makes a noise.

"Well, thanks for that image, Skye. I'm going to go take a shower now."

She smiles. She loves that he's kind of different once he's opened up to someone – harsher at times, but definitely funnier.

"Dreams are so weird, right?" she says.

"I understand that."

It was connected to everything else, in a way.

When he had talked to her about meeting her father he led her to his office upstairs in the plane and all she remembers is she had twisted her fingers into the collar of his shirt still splattered with Trip's blood – he hadn't even changed, he said he _needed_ to tell her what had gone down – and Skye felt an unbearable sadness at the idea of Audrey's tie being ruined again and it freaked her out and made her feel guilty because she was pressing her mouth to Coulson's again.

"And I think I've got it all messed up," she explains. "Kissing you and then... and then you meeting my father. It's just –"

"A mess?" he offers, a warm voice.

She wanted that.

Hear his voice.

Skye has a sudden flashback of that first time he said her name after kissing her. She had felt scared for a moment – she hadn't planned any of this, the thing with Ward still felt too raw, Coulson's distance this year, too – but then he had said her name and everything was better, he had spoken to her about how he felt in that voice, kind and a bit playful and Skye didn't mind so much that neither of them had a clue what they were doing.

"Yes, a mess." Then she remembers why she called him in the first place. "I hugged you because I have a bad feeling."

"About your mission?" he asks.

"About yours. Both. I don't know."

"Right." Concerned.

"What? No _don't be silly, Skye, it's just your imagination, we'll be all right_?"

"I've learned to trust your instincts."

"So you'll be careful."

"I wasn't going to be _careless_ before you told me that," he says, a bit impatiently.

Skye knows his head is elsewhere, as it should be, the last thing she wants to be is a distraction. She has a mission – the last thing she wants is for Coulson to be a distraction himself. Still, she rolls her eyes at the tone.

"Or you could not be a weirdo and reassure me everything is going to be okay and that you'll be careful and maybe say something nice like that you love me."

She is being bold here – they haven't even... he has implied it yet hasn't really... – but she is scared of never seeing him again and she kind of wants to hear it. Even if he doesn't know exactly what it means. Even if it was just some kissing and a night together. Skye kind of wants to hear it.

"I'm not gonna say that," he tells her, sharply.

"Wow, thanks."

"I'm an old-fashioned guy, Skye. I don't intend on telling you I love you for the first time on an encrypted line when we're in different countries."

Warmth spreads throughout her whole body.

"Except you kind of did just that, sir."

She hears a sigh of frustration from the other end of the line.

"Okay," he says. Is he actually clearing his throat? God he's cute.

"No, no, it's okay, old-fashioned guy," she interrupts. "You can tell me when we get back from our mission."

"Fine. That's a plan."

There's something about that... making plans, that never really worked out for her. She suddenly gets that itchy feeling along her arms again, it's been there all day, like any moment now she'll look down at her hands and they'll turn black and then to stone.

"But be careful," she tells him. It sounds stupid, he's _the Director_. She shouldn't be treating him like he's – 

"I promise," he says, like he doesn't think she's stupid for saying it, "everything is going to be all right."

She nods even though she knows he can't see her.

"And you? Don't you want to tell me to be careful?"

Skye can actually hear him smile through the line, this is something she can do. Ttheir relationship _is_ weird.

"I know you can handle yourself," Coulson says.

And that's in a way better than a declaration of love.

"Thanks."

A fraught silence, but not entirely uncomfortable because they both know is a silence in exchange for all the things they wish they could be telling each other. _Soon_ , Skye thinks, ignoring the feeling at the bottom of her stomach, heavy like a bad meal, that tells her otherwise.

It's him who ends the silence, because she can't, she feels she might say the wrong thing if she does.

"Okay, then."

"Talk to you later," Skye replies without conviction.

She is about to cut the line when Coulson starts talking to her again.

"I love you," he says.

A beat.

"Smartass."

But she kind of wanted to hear it anyway.


End file.
